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He's still the same person in some ways. Many ways, even. His brilliant, methodical and detail-oriented mind is still intact. He retains his extraordinary (perhaps excessive) fondness for puppetry and robotics, his unwavering passion for swords of a particular kind (katanas), his pedantic diction. His self-absorbed, big-picture perspective. His strange but definite sense of humour. His, uh. Often uncomfortable sexual frankness. And his priority treatment of his friends.
His motive is rooted partially in his own crisis, his own need to be, and to have an existence that matters, but it's also rooted in sincere concern for his friends, and his desire to protect them from oblivion.
It's just that as less magnanimous and more egotistical minds became part of his multifractal self, as less and less of 'himself' fell within the boundaries of his tenuous mental reality, as reality itself broke from canon and took with it any stability he was relying on... other things in him changed. The way he cared changed, and even though his initial actions may have been rooted in good intentions, by the end, he is fully aware of the fact that these actions are, by most subjective measure, 'bad.'
He accepts this, and then embraces it.
From an outside perspective, this is already pretty gnarly. But once you get into the interpersonal and internarrative application of these changes, it gets... a little gross. The easiest way to show the changes in Dirk as he is now is through his relationships with his ectosiblings. One of the first noticeable features of the epilogue (as narrated by Dirk) is that Dirk is almost never right about the people he thinks he has down. He mischaracterises his friends constantly, especially underestimating their ability to act autonomously and make good decisions. This is especially obvious when it comes to his ectofamily.
Take, for example, Rose. Rose, who he refers to as being his "equal," but in truth is seen more as an extension of himself, more part of him in the same way any other Dirk would be part of him save from her physical separation from his physical self... and of course her imperfection as a person--almost but not quite Dirk, and so lacking just a little bit. She gets by far the most glowing treatment in his narrative. In fact, he describes her every move in seductive terms. Which is creepy, no matter how homosexual he is. But she also calls him 'dad.' This makes more sense in the context of what she says other than that--all of Rose's dialogue exists to enhance, glorify, or support whatever dialogue he gives himself. It's very possibly the only way he can extol another person--via objectification. Very literally, later--his grand plan for Rose is to save the ascending Seer from her failing physical form and transfer her consciousness to a robot. And it works!
Dirk is so constantly, intensely lonely that he projects it over the narrative again and again, both in textual manner and in accidental clues. There is a couch in his workshop. A couch he placed there for visitors. Visitors he never received. Until he narrates Rose into his workshop and has occasion to clear that space of all its parts and tools and place her in it. Using his control over Rose to ensure her loyalty and presence, to guarantee her outcome (her survival and her place on and by his side) is questionable at best, but the end of the Epilogues has Rosebot ironing Dirk's pants for him.
This absolute control over Rose is contrasted starkly by his lack of control of Roxy, who (as a Rogue of Void) is unknowable and so beyond him as a person now that they have become inscrutable and untouchable in all ways.
Roxy, his childhood friend. Roxy, the family he literally grew up knowing. Roxy, a person so straightforward that they just outright say what they mean (incredible, for this Ectofamily.) Roxy, who is somehow so impossible for him to comprehend (control) without narrative powers that he is on more than occasion surprised by what comes out their mouth as he writes the narrative. They're totally out of his reach, totally unfathomable. In more than one scene, he is unable to even describe the look on their face. It's almost jarring once the depth of his incomprehension becomes clear. (Ha.)
There is a strangely human series of events related to them, though. Early in the Meat route, Roxy comes out as nonbinary, even masc-presenting and he's absolutely flummoxed by it. Not only did he not see it coming, he can not stop or affect it in any way.
He immediately makes a mess of it by misgendering them (by mistake), and is corrected, and gets so worked up about it all that he immediately projects that mistake and all of his insecurities onto Dave the very next chapter, by making a good chunk of that chapter about Dave repeatedly fucking up in a xenophobic way around Karkat and Kanaya. And he is not nice about it. It's just Dirk lashing out at his own mistakes by smacking Dave around.
If these Epilogues were just Dirk's work of fanfiction, that would not be a terrible way to cope. (Not ideal, either. Projecting on real people is bad, kids.) But by this point, Dirk has already been revealed to be the narrator, and the actual people around him are being moved and affected by his narrative.
Real, but not real. But very much real.
This is relationship Dirk now has with reality. With his friends, and his family. Everything has become about control, in part because he is, more than ever, spiralling out of control. He still WANTS connection, craves contact, but chronically fails to achieve it and so chronically lacks it. He needs that control more--that power over his existence and his outcomes that his entire existence has been marked by lacking. In a desolate oceanic postapocalypse. In a timeline he cannot affect and which offers him a view of further events he has no power over. As a person of action whose actions are perpetually ineffective if not outright meaningless. Dirk is always doing, always driven to occupation, unable to rest, unable to let go. Puppets. Mechanics. People. Himself.
Bro, raising a child that fails to live up to every expectation you have for him, falls short of every target you set for him to achieve. For a certainty of future that you have no power to win and no power to survive.
Doc Scratch, manipulating reality both objective and subjective toward the birth of an outcome that was itself predetermined. A birth that will literally destroy you, of course.
It's not even a little subtle.
Control and self loathing are the twin swords that he is endlessly impaling himself on, and pulling out of his own body to wield again and again against himself.
So then what of Dave? Dave is the most telling, in some ways, because Dave is by far the most complicated relationship he has. Dirk does have a strong affinity to Dave, but he wants a connection that isn't there, in part because he and Dave are both projecting their own brothers over each other. This goes back to formal canon. They DO talk it out eventually, but it results in, for example, Dirk apologising for "his" actions as Dave's Bro rather than either of them connecting in a lasting way as individuals. Instead, Dirk has weighed himself against Dave and found himself lacking, as he weighed himself against his own Dave and failed to measure up.
Dirk, while preserving Dave as the "other" (as opposed to the self), the person against whom his own existence and character is weighed, simultaneously holds Dave to a standard Dave doesn't fit, and keeps finding Dave's character or choices lacking. He is honestly borderline contemptuous of Dave for most of it--the egotistical and judgmental qualities of splinters like Doc Scratch are no doubt part of it, but it resembles strongest the opinions of the original Bro Strider himself, and the ever-present ghost of Caliborn in him. (Him here can be both Bro Strider and Dirk, frankly.)
In the Epilogue, the narration for Dave references a sense of Bro in Dirk so strong that it's practically identical. Dirk, or a version of him, instilled in Dave a way of living and thinking that would, for better or worse, persist far beyond the first thirteen years of his upbringing. And even on Earth C, it’d be kind of tough to say the dude’s general overbearing demeanor wasn’t sufficient to perpetuate the conditioning. So it’s rare he has to guess what Dirk would say he should do.
Of course, Dirk has been in and out of Dave's head the whole time, as narrator. But he is also so resonant with his older, other self that Dave freely interprets this as an organic part of Dirk himself. It's an ominous early clue, bolstered by what we see of Dirk's own opinion in the narrative text.
A lone exception to this frustrated treatment of his brother occurs when Dave finally acts on his more romantic/sexual feelings for Karkat (an event that Dirk attempted to push Dave towards, but nearly ruined in the process.) Then, and only then, does Dirk express sincere pride. Yet very early on, he openly states that he would and could never hurt Dave. Near the end of Meat, he states, let’s also have it on good authority that the next time Dave cuts off my head, it’ll be for good.
So Dave is the Other, the brother both judged by him and by which he will be judged.
And he's clearly looking forward to that outcome.
Fucking Yikes.
Pokémon Information Affiliation: Trainer Starter: Klink Password: Atomic Fireball (YIKES... I remember when it used to be Sunflower Seeds lmfao)
Samples RP Sample:Fourth wall, aka "thank god he didn't figure out he can talk."
Victory Road Sample: Dirk wakes up feeling like someone kicked him through the head. Not in his head, but through his head--the boot busting through his cranium with brute force, breaking into a shower of messy debris like a graham cracker crust, like his skull were made of the same fleshy, breakaway material as a melon. That's just the outside part. His brain, the bastard organ, is just un-fucking-accounted for.
So, his head hurts, but not in a way he's used to.
There's something missing, and it's not long before he can tell: the narrative is gone. No, not gone. Invisible. The slippery motherfucker's just straight-up eluded him--like catching air in your fingers instead of a fly. Except at least the fly is there and you can see it, and the air is there and you can feel it.
His first moment is something like panic.
Then--
Well, he has a lot of reactions, it's a whole big thing, and he goes through all of them and when he's done he's still lying on his back, head nestled into a pillow, blankets tucked right up to his chin like a storybook.
He registers a ceiling, and a room. Also, music. Digitalised beeps and boops arranged in a prosaic semblance of melody. What?
That's definitely something. He doesn't like it, but it's something to go on. The room is small. Tidy. Unfamiliar, but familiar all the same. Variation on an ancient theme.
It's positively antique.
Colourful critters are pasted on the walls as posters, another on the table as a stuffed toy. Where the fuck is the narrative? Who's controlling this? Is it the Muse? How did she hide it from him? Where is he? How did she get him here, like her passive little paper doll in a twisted game of House?
He rolls labouriously out of bed and walks across to the doll.
(His clothes are unfamiliar, too. That's not weird.)
He picks it up.
It's not bad. Not hand-stitched, though. He can tell.
He puts down the doll.
He could keep doing this for a while. Indefinitely, maybe not. But for an hour or so, maybe. Walking around the room and individually inspect each individual artefact. Taking his time. Creating flavour text for each one. But he won't. He wants to. He's been pettier. And he'd argue it's absolutely called for here. But he won't.
He turns to look at the stairs, which have until now been looming ominously in the edges of his vision.
The stairs apparently lead to a floor below, and there's nothing else in the room. Oh, there's other stuff. A blocky, ancient computer like Jane's Dad owned. A television, also like Jane's Dad owned. A closet. A rug. A clock. 'Stuff.'
But it's all laid out too neatly. Backup dancers to the star of the show, the diva, the main event. The stairs. He's clearly meant to go down them.
Okay. Fine, Muse. He'll play your game. (Not like he has a choice.)
He approaches the stairs, and begins to descend.
Downstairs, he encounters 'Mom.'
The less said about that, the better.
It's a mess, an embarrassing mess, and it's seconds before the first word comes out of his mouth--
"Nope."
He (a full grown man!) books it back upstairs immediately. New effects in hand, he pries open the window and flips up onto the roof, turning back only to slam the window shut behind him. Then he stomps down with his heel, cracking the wooden frame to make it harder to reopen behind him and absconds across the rooftop.
Welcome to the Wonderful World of Pokemon! Congratulations, you have a fun and exciting adventure awaiting you.
Now that you've been accepted... [○] Respond to this with your character's journal. This is a must! [○] Comment in the Taken Characters post, alphabetized by series: Here. [○] Join the following communities: victory_road, the_plateau, and ohmyarceus. Only Team Rocket personnel should join silph_co, but we ask that all Victory Road members subscribe to it. Note! You will not be accepted to the main or logs community until you've commented in the aforementioned places. [○] If you're still on the reserved list, please let us know that they've been accepted. [○] Please make sure to check out the Calendar for the weather and upcoming plots and swarms! [○] You can also find our mod plurk at victoryroad; if you have a Plurk, we suggest you become a fan!
We'd also like to take this moment to inform you of the Eastern Kanto Ferry! For only P2000, you can take a three day, all-inclusive ferry ride from New Bark Town to Pallet Town and begin a new pokémon journey in the Kanto region! Otherwise, feel free to start in Johto!
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indigo_league) wrote2016-05-03 09:48 pm
APPLICATIONS!
2/2 trying to post but my app's dummy thicc
His motive is rooted partially in his own crisis, his own need to be, and to have an existence that matters, but it's also rooted in sincere concern for his friends, and his desire to protect them from oblivion.
It's just that as less magnanimous and more egotistical minds became part of his multifractal self, as less and less of 'himself' fell within the boundaries of his tenuous mental reality, as reality itself broke from canon and took with it any stability he was relying on... other things in him changed. The way he cared changed, and even though his initial actions may have been rooted in good intentions, by the end, he is fully aware of the fact that these actions are, by most subjective measure, 'bad.'
He accepts this, and then embraces it.
From an outside perspective, this is already pretty gnarly. But once you get into the interpersonal and internarrative application of these changes, it gets... a little gross. The easiest way to show the changes in Dirk as he is now is through his relationships with his ectosiblings. One of the first noticeable features of the epilogue (as narrated by Dirk) is that Dirk is almost never right about the people he thinks he has down. He mischaracterises his friends constantly, especially underestimating their ability to act autonomously and make good decisions. This is especially obvious when it comes to his ectofamily.
Take, for example, Rose. Rose, who he refers to as being his "equal," but in truth is seen more as an extension of himself, more part of him in the same way any other Dirk would be part of him save from her physical separation from his physical self... and of course her imperfection as a person--almost but not quite Dirk, and so lacking just a little bit. She gets by far the most glowing treatment in his narrative. In fact, he describes her every move in seductive terms. Which is creepy, no matter how homosexual he is. But she also calls him 'dad.' This makes more sense in the context of what she says other than that--all of Rose's dialogue exists to enhance, glorify, or support whatever dialogue he gives himself. It's very possibly the only way he can extol another person--via objectification. Very literally, later--his grand plan for Rose is to save the ascending Seer from her failing physical form and transfer her consciousness to a robot. And it works!
Dirk is so constantly, intensely lonely that he projects it over the narrative again and again, both in textual manner and in accidental clues. There is a couch in his workshop. A couch he placed there for visitors. Visitors he never received. Until he narrates Rose into his workshop and has occasion to clear that space of all its parts and tools and place her in it. Using his control over Rose to ensure her loyalty and presence, to guarantee her outcome (her survival and her place on and by his side) is questionable at best, but the end of the Epilogues has Rosebot ironing Dirk's pants for him.
This absolute control over Rose is contrasted starkly by his lack of control of Roxy, who (as a Rogue of Void) is unknowable and so beyond him as a person now that they have become inscrutable and untouchable in all ways.
Roxy, his childhood friend. Roxy, the family he literally grew up knowing. Roxy, a person so straightforward that they just outright say what they mean (incredible, for this Ectofamily.) Roxy, who is somehow so impossible for him to comprehend (control) without narrative powers that he is on more than occasion surprised by what comes out their mouth as he writes the narrative. They're totally out of his reach, totally unfathomable. In more than one scene, he is unable to even describe the look on their face. It's almost jarring once the depth of his incomprehension becomes clear. (Ha.)
There is a strangely human series of events related to them, though. Early in the Meat route, Roxy comes out as nonbinary, even masc-presenting and he's absolutely flummoxed by it. Not only did he not see it coming, he can not stop or affect it in any way.
He immediately makes a mess of it by misgendering them (by mistake), and is corrected, and gets so worked up about it all that he immediately projects that mistake and all of his insecurities onto Dave the very next chapter, by making a good chunk of that chapter about Dave repeatedly fucking up in a xenophobic way around Karkat and Kanaya. And he is not nice about it. It's just Dirk lashing out at his own mistakes by smacking Dave around.
If these Epilogues were just Dirk's work of fanfiction, that would not be a terrible way to cope. (Not ideal, either. Projecting on real people is bad, kids.) But by this point, Dirk has already been revealed to be the narrator, and the actual people around him are being moved and affected by his narrative.
Real, but not real. But very much real.
This is relationship Dirk now has with reality. With his friends, and his family. Everything has become about control, in part because he is, more than ever, spiralling out of control. He still WANTS connection, craves contact, but chronically fails to achieve it and so chronically lacks it. He needs that control more--that power over his existence and his outcomes that his entire existence has been marked by lacking. In a desolate oceanic postapocalypse. In a timeline he cannot affect and which offers him a view of further events he has no power over. As a person of action whose actions are perpetually ineffective if not outright meaningless. Dirk is always doing, always driven to occupation, unable to rest, unable to let go. Puppets. Mechanics. People. Himself.
Bro, raising a child that fails to live up to every expectation you have for him, falls short of every target you set for him to achieve. For a certainty of future that you have no power to win and no power to survive.
Doc Scratch, manipulating reality both objective and subjective toward the birth of an outcome that was itself predetermined. A birth that will literally destroy you, of course.
It's not even a little subtle.
Control and self loathing are the twin swords that he is endlessly impaling himself on, and pulling out of his own body to wield again and again against himself.
So then what of Dave? Dave is the most telling, in some ways, because Dave is by far the most complicated relationship he has. Dirk does have a strong affinity to Dave, but he wants a connection that isn't there, in part because he and Dave are both projecting their own brothers over each other. This goes back to formal canon. They DO talk it out eventually, but it results in, for example, Dirk apologising for "his" actions as Dave's Bro rather than either of them connecting in a lasting way as individuals. Instead, Dirk has weighed himself against Dave and found himself lacking, as he weighed himself against his own Dave and failed to measure up.
Dirk, while preserving Dave as the "other" (as opposed to the self), the person against whom his own existence and character is weighed, simultaneously holds Dave to a standard Dave doesn't fit, and keeps finding Dave's character or choices lacking. He is honestly borderline contemptuous of Dave for most of it--the egotistical and judgmental qualities of splinters like Doc Scratch are no doubt part of it, but it resembles strongest the opinions of the original Bro Strider himself, and the ever-present ghost of Caliborn in him. (Him here can be both Bro Strider and Dirk, frankly.)
In the Epilogue, the narration for Dave references a sense of Bro in Dirk so strong that it's practically identical.
Dirk, or a version of him, instilled in Dave a way of living and thinking that would, for better or worse, persist far beyond the first thirteen years of his upbringing. And even on Earth C, it’d be kind of tough to say the dude’s general overbearing demeanor wasn’t sufficient to perpetuate the conditioning. So it’s rare he has to guess what Dirk would say he should do.Of course, Dirk has been in and out of Dave's head the whole time, as narrator. But he is also so resonant with his older, other self that Dave freely interprets this as an organic part of Dirk himself. It's an ominous early clue, bolstered by what we see of Dirk's own opinion in the narrative text.
A lone exception to this frustrated treatment of his brother occurs when Dave finally acts on his more romantic/sexual feelings for Karkat (an event that Dirk attempted to push Dave towards, but nearly ruined in the process.) Then, and only then, does Dirk express sincere pride. Yet very early on, he openly states that he would and could never hurt Dave. Near the end of Meat, he states,
let’s also have it on good authority that the next time Dave cuts off my head, it’ll be for good.So Dave is the Other, the brother both judged by him and by which he will be judged.
And he's clearly looking forward to that outcome.
Fucking Yikes.
Pokémon Information
Affiliation: Trainer
Starter: Klink
Password: Atomic Fireball (YIKES... I remember when it used to be Sunflower Seeds lmfao)
Samples
RP Sample: Fourth wall, aka "thank god he didn't figure out he can talk."
Victory Road Sample: Dirk wakes up feeling like someone kicked him through the head. Not in his head, but through his head--the boot busting through his cranium with brute force, breaking into a shower of messy debris like a graham cracker crust, like his skull were made of the same fleshy, breakaway material as a melon. That's just the outside part. His brain, the bastard organ, is just un-fucking-accounted for.
So, his head hurts, but not in a way he's used to.
There's something missing, and it's not long before he can tell: the narrative is gone. No, not gone. Invisible. The slippery motherfucker's just straight-up eluded him--like catching air in your fingers instead of a fly. Except at least the fly is there and you can see it, and the air is there and you can feel it.
His first moment is something like panic.
Then--
Well, he has a lot of reactions, it's a whole big thing, and he goes through all of them and when he's done he's still lying on his back, head nestled into a pillow, blankets tucked right up to his chin like a storybook.
He registers a ceiling, and a room. Also, music. Digitalised beeps and boops arranged in a prosaic semblance of melody. What?
That's definitely something. He doesn't like it, but it's something to go on. The room is small. Tidy. Unfamiliar, but familiar all the same. Variation on an ancient theme.
It's positively antique.
Colourful critters are pasted on the walls as posters, another on the table as a stuffed toy. Where the fuck is the narrative? Who's controlling this? Is it the Muse? How did she hide it from him? Where is he? How did she get him here, like her passive little paper doll in a twisted game of House?
He rolls labouriously out of bed and walks across to the doll.
(His clothes are unfamiliar, too. That's not weird.)
He picks it up.
It's not bad. Not hand-stitched, though. He can tell.
He puts down the doll.
He could keep doing this for a while. Indefinitely, maybe not. But for an hour or so, maybe. Walking around the room and individually inspect each individual artefact. Taking his time. Creating flavour text for each one. But he won't. He wants to. He's been pettier. And he'd argue it's absolutely called for here. But he won't.
He turns to look at the stairs, which have until now been looming ominously in the edges of his vision.
The stairs apparently lead to a floor below, and there's nothing else in the room. Oh, there's other stuff. A blocky, ancient computer like Jane's Dad owned. A television, also like Jane's Dad owned. A closet. A rug. A clock. 'Stuff.'
But it's all laid out too neatly. Backup dancers to the star of the show, the diva, the main event. The stairs. He's clearly meant to go down them.
Okay. Fine, Muse. He'll play your game. (Not like he has a choice.)
He approaches the stairs, and begins to descend.
Downstairs, he encounters 'Mom.'
The less said about that, the better.
It's a mess, an embarrassing mess, and it's seconds before the first word comes out of his mouth--
"Nope."
He (a full grown man!) books it back upstairs immediately. New effects in hand, he pries open the window and flips up onto the roof, turning back only to slam the window shut behind him. Then he stomps down with his heel, cracking the wooden frame to make it harder to reopen behind him and absconds across the rooftop.
Nope.
THAT WAS A LOT OF READING, RAILE
Congratulations, you have a fun and exciting adventure awaiting you.
Now that you've been accepted...
[○] Respond to this with your character's journal. This is a must!
[○] Comment in the Taken Characters post, alphabetized by series: Here.
[○] Join the following communities:
Note! You will not be accepted to the main or logs community until you've commented in the aforementioned places.
[○] If you're still on the reserved list, please let us know that they've been accepted.
[○] Please make sure to check out the Calendar for the weather and upcoming plots and swarms!
[○] You can also find our mod plurk at
We'd also like to take this moment to inform you of the Eastern Kanto Ferry! For only P2000, you can take a three day, all-inclusive ferry ride from New Bark Town to Pallet Town and begin a new pokémon journey in the Kanto region! Otherwise, feel free to start in Johto!
Thank you! See you in the Pokémon world!
no subject
Anyway this is in fact Dirk's journal, despite it being an iconless void